Goodness it's been a while!

I think I’m in a teensy tiny slump of sorts,
a weird depressive one o3o but I’m not sad, maybe it’s just cuz my vitamin D dropped again, I haven’t been able to want to go out or do anything with anyone lately,
and I’m getting hit up by some pretty nifty guys, I must say o3o *ba—luuush*

I suppose it’s true; one door closes, 5 more open,

I’ve also just gotten off my birth control too, *thanks a bunch to my faggy insurance dickers for dropping me* so maybe the hormone hopping is fucking me up a bit,

the one good thing about depressive slumps is they’re almost always temporary,
I’ve been taking about 3 vitamin D tablets a day to try and get my levels up, I might take 3 more just in case,

I was tipped off when I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 3pm, that’s usually the first ‘omen’ so to speak, it’s like being slapped upside the head “BITCH, you just missed your Springer!”

D;> And I do love my tranny mud wrestling~Ohohoho!

Last time I dipped with this, I had to be put on SUPER doses of Vita-mee-nay D,
they were big blue ones and they were clear, D: but I don’t have to coverage to have my doc hook me up with more of them,

so TO THE MEDICINE CABINET~! >3<

Revert

I feel like never bothering is a lot easier than being the reason for failure, and just because I know that's false, doesn't mean I can necessarily force myself agree from heart to head, opening up is a bit more difficult now, but maybe that's a good thing, maybe I'd wind up getting too forward if I wasn't so concerned about it from the get-go,

Possibly winding up alienating myself, but at the same time that whole 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' thing comes into play,
I'm cautious now, but I think I'm also planning to let things come as they are, if I just let things happen, then I don't have to blame myself when they fail,

but I think everyone's doing that too, the whole 'chivalry' thing is dead, but it was never really fair to expect one person to do all the work, I'm just so tired of being so unbearably underwhelmed I suppose,

maybe I'm so set back by all this because it was the first time in 4 years where I could honestly say my interest was piqued, and now it just feels like that's never going to happen again,

I'm never gonna not be a stuck up cow about this crap, so all I can really do is wait,
and so far I'm just finding people looking for 'mommy',

I honestly thought I'd find more people with daddy issues than mommy ones,
and now it all seem likes one big silly joke, although being this young and falling for anyone and having it work out never seemed likely to begin,

>3> although I'm really not that young in my head,

great, contra-freaking-diction.

Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy

It's been a bitter ass month so far...

So far my month has been pretty bad,
I've been fucking up in the 'love' department, so I'm trying not to hang around with new people,
it's all just too big of a gamble, especially if I sense no bond or reason to enjoy their company,

my GUT instinct,

I don't feel like trying when the other person fucks it up, (in my eyes anyway, I'm prone to being overcritical *duh*)

I like things to be said outright, 'why haven't you been talking to me much?'

then I can be blunt too, but using aesthetic words doesn't get your point across, it leaves a HUGE margin for error, and I'd rather not bother with the risk if you're not gonna spit it out,

and I'm sorry, but any guy who can't fucking ask me for my number his own damn self...even girls have more balls than that,

but then the guilt sets in, and I start thinking that closing myself off from everyone is better than possibly upsetting them,

I'm not asking for 'prince charming', (I'm still too young to find my soul mate, apparently >3>; )
but how about a 'prince-doesn't-fuck-it-the-fuck-up'? or prince 'doesn't make me lose interest because he's already too damn needy'?

or Prince 'takes fucking NO for an answer',

>3> I don't feel like I'm being picky, I'm not asking for show-stoppingly-gorgeous, a genius AND a gentlemen,

I actually want the complete opposite, decent looking with some petty draw backs (I.E. bags or dry skin), doesn't have to be a genius, but at least able to hold up a conversation, and if I'm looking for a MAN, I want a fucking MAN, not a needy bitch-boy,

they can't depend on me for emotional stuff in the beginning unless my whole heart is already fascinated by them, know when it's appropriate to dump your fucking baggage on me,

I need a guy who's independent, not a clingy, whiny, emotional train wreck,

emotional train wreck is fine, but LATER >:O when there's actually a relationship to speak of, not after one damn date,

fuck, common sense REALLY isn't all that common >3>;

Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy

Girly Girl fighting

I don't want your boyfriend, (seriously, I'm the world's pickiest motherfucker, since when has any MERE MORTAL been good enough for my stuck up ass?) even if they asked, I'd say no, because I don't want them,

I don't seek to take anything you have, If you think you're being sneaky, well, you're not D: I can see right through you pudding,

I've unfortunately been through this kind of thing before, let's make one thing perfectly clear;

if you're purposely excluding me because you're jealous or being catty, you should feel bad, terribly bad,

it's one thing to harbor the feelings, I don't mind that,
even if you approached me and told me about it, I wouldn't mind talking it out,

but to run from the conflict just because you're being a chicken shit, is shameful,

I've never been against talking things out, I wish people would friggin' listen,

>:( at the risk of sounding like a cunt, confidence isn't built, it's born, inside, on it's own,

treating other people like horseshit because you lack any of it is EXACTLY why people say "I hate girls",

I can't honestly say that, because somehow, through all that catty bullshit, I've still managed to find a few docile ladies to roll with,

it's a real shame too, you used to be such a nice kid, but your insecurities is ruining your friendships, and you're passing up a LOT of trustworthy people, just to stay in what's familiar to you,

if you wanna just stop being paranoid, feel free to hit me up, darlin'.

Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy

Dinning with Hipsters

My goodness~ It's been quite a night,

but it would've been better if I didn't have that guilty weight on my shoulders, >3>;
when a person initiates conversation by bringing up their crappy week, then tries to peg some of it on you, THEN asks if you wanna 'help them figure it out',

It's fine for my close friends, but usually they just spit shit out, I don't have to decode any cryptic messages or anything,

but this is an acquaintance,

and no I'm not gonna help you 'figure it out', because that's not my fucking job for one, and I really don't think they could handle it if I told them point blank that I don't care about their personal shit,

This is the second time in a row where they've asked this,
you don't try to blame ANY part of your crappy week on the person you're attempting to get closer to,

besides bitch, I was out with a friend, my mood was damn good until you brought down my buzz,
I'm not your damn mom, I'm not gonna kiss yer damn boo-boos, we barely know each other, you haven't earned the right to ruin my night,

why can't I meet a person who isn't looking for a fucking mom? >3>; What part of me seems motherly and nurturing?

Then they act all wounded because I won't entertain their petty whinging,
please tell me you have closer friends than me...x__X;

and of course I'm gonna feel guilty the rest of the damn night because of it, but I've never been able to allow my guilt to over power my need to give zero fucks, that's how it's always been,

guilt = stress, and if ANY relationship at all is stressing me out, then it's better to let it fall apart,
I've got some stressed induced acid reflux, and I've been doing a good job managing it,

don't fucking break my track record.

----------------------------------------------
Now! On to the wonderful night with Cindy~ :D
We went to Golden Eagle diner, around 3AM,

I got a fried seafood platter o3o and mostly ate fries as their portions were INCREDI-HUGE,
Cindy and I both boxed it, and our desserts too,

I had black forest cake :D
the outside was coded in chocolate skin~ seriously, if you ever met a chocolate man, this is what his skin would taste and feel like...o__o

then these 4 hipsters, one of who I think I was familiar with actually,
I think he might've been my friends tattoo artist D: DUN DUN DUN, *but not really* his voice was super familiar, O_o

the one guy kept coming over to our table, he was super duper inebriated and a little high too, (he admitted he smoked some pot) whenever his friends got too mean, xD he said he was a tattoo artist :D and he gave us business cards

to be honest, only the two girls came off hipster--y, the guys were alright, tall skinny dude was just loud drunk and funny, xDD I hope his hangover doesn't hit him too hard tomorrow, D: our waitress liked him, :D and she was super nice too,

Tall skinny kept talking about how gay he was for the other guy friend and about his butt xD
funny shit in public places...with drunk people o3o


Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy

Art Dump #40

Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy

Didn't wanna bring this up but it's gnawing at them nerves

Having to sit through those lengthy arguments, mostly just filled with assumptions that lead to petty accusations, I’ve never been so insulted and irritated, overreacting to stupid silly things that probably were never even there, just assumed by a busy mind, I almost feel unable to blame you for such hasty behavior, as it seems to be built in to your nature,

I’d prefer it if we just stayed off some topics, make an effort to avoid talking about them anywhere near each other as I just think it causes pointless arguments, and gives me quite a bitchin’ ass headache,

I’d appreciate some consideration as far as this goes, it’s not an insult, not an attack, just a memo so to speak,

I’ve always hated that topic, helplessly debating on things we’ve got no control over, it just makes silly peons too busy arguing to pay actual attention,

and don’t get me wrong, I’m probably 90% responsible for all of it, but I just want to make the effort not to bother with the subject anymore,

I really didn't wanna bring it up, I don't even wanna discuss it, I just want it all dropped forever and not held against me later, nor have my reactions used against me later to define who I am,

yes it's happened, and I worry it'll happen again,
which is why I just want to stave off that topic all together.

Lates&&Luvvs
<3Katzy